IT IS DIFFICULT TO FIND EDO GIRL TO MARRY.
(Culled from an interesting disscussion on why Edos might intermarry into extinction on Edo disscussion forum a while back)
You have observed that “The choice of who to marry for whatever
reason falls heavily on the individual and what they expect in/from
the marriage.” I do not think it is that simple. Just last week I
posted the story of a Harvard educated lady from Afghanistan, who, in
spite of her personal experience with her first husband, was
defending arranged marriages. In fact, statistically speaking, most
marriages in the world are arranged.
You also concluded that “As we all know love has no boundaries.”
If the whole world really does think love has no boundaries, then one
would have no apprehension.
Unfortunately, many in the world do think love has boundaries. It is
a small minority of individuals that think – on an individual level –
that love has no boundaries. Even so, a sensible girl will not marry
a mad man off the streets – because of love. Indeed love will not
even happen because of a screening process – influenced by her
values – that weeds out such candidates.
“Groups” certainly do not think love has no boundaries and dominant
culture group behavior proves the point. The most extreme example is
that provided by Nazi Germany where the State actually tracked the
marital patterns of its citizens. But there are others.
On a personal level, for example, late Princess Diana thought love
had no boundaries. On a group level, however, many did not agree with
the dalliance of the mother of a future King of England with moslem
Arab Dodi Fayed – and it may have cost her her life. We will never
Even in Nigeria certain categories of civil/public servants cannot
marry who they like or love unless they resign first. They have to
On a communal level, when a child tells their parents that they want
to marry, the whole process of investigating the potential spouse is
driven by the reality that marriage is not just about love. I
believe that at some point in the past, it has been mentioned here
how girls at the University of Ibadan from certain tribes in Nigeria
used to be pressured by their tribesmen and women not to date boys
from another large Nigerian tribe.
A few persisted, but most did not.
Those groups that have aggressively implemented the ‘love has no
boundaries’ philosophy are generally heading toward extinction as
groups. The world in 200 years will consist of a minority of the
groups that are on earth today. Some will retain their homogeneity
and momentum. Others will be barely recognizable. Much traditional
knowledge will be lost. Many languages and dialects will disappear.
Undoubtedly some hybrid ill-defined cultures will emerge but they
will not look like the cultures we know today.
Among the British elite I was reliably told that parents go to great
lengths to influence the social circles in which their daughters and
sons operate. The reason is not to choose the specific person their
children eventually couple with, but the social circles of their
future in-laws. It is a very sophisticated game. And the kids do
not often realize that the game is going on.
They just think they are meeting their sweet-hearts by accident. But those who play it do
so on the presumption that love – particularly when it results in
life long relationships – is not something to be left to chance.
Yes, there is an individual angle. Inter-personal harmony is
important. But as many come to discover, when you marry, you are not
marrying an individual, you are marrying their family and customs.
Love by itself is not always enough to deal with such challenges.
Culled from Edo-nation@Yahoogroups.com
“OUR OBA OF BENIN SHOULD DECREE A LAW, THAT ALL BENIN MEN SHOULD MARRY A BENIN WOMAN TO SECURE OUR CULTURAL HERITAGE!
AM I RIGHT?? ” – Curtis Ugbo
“Today we complain of been marginalized by Yorubas ,Hausas ,fulanis ,igbos just because they find it extremely very difficult to get a wife from other race. Igbos will get our girls pregnant and still go for their tribe. Our Benin ladies prefer otherrace for marriage because they want to do whatever they like In marriage. You need see the nuisance value of our benin girls these days . Me ,I dey shame . In pains and shame we defend them . You need to see how they misuse our Benin girls and even mock us. The ugly attitude and characters pushed the Benin men to go for other race and in Joy they accept our men with pride.” – Osazee Amas-Edobor
No you are not right my brother from my point of view and fact findings.
My say on this matter.
This has nothing to do with securing of Edo culture. There are countless marriage between Edo people even Royal family that had lost their cultural heritage even some Chiefs from the palace don’t train their children in the ways of Edo culture and traditions many don’t name their children Edo name, don’t allow them to speak the language at all I know how many lashes I always get if I spoke Edo language then even in schools by an Edo teacher for that matter. Most of us here commenting, all your children, you call them English name while you drop their managed Edo name you gave them. In your house your children speak English and you joined them to do thing. Let not drag Oba into this because Oba get many things to attend to. Our children or the young one are not guilty of this but we that know and refuses to teach them. Only the Edos give names that look like vocabulary to their children sometimes to pronounce it na wahala and most time the name has no meaning, they just like the sound like Vanessa,Valery, Villaroy, Washington, Mishell…
If Edo person see another Edo person speaking Edo in public or speaking it very well they will see him as an uneducated fellow or a topical village champion.
Go and look at them great men and women in Nigeria almost 90% of them drop their English name. Obama was born in the US but never have English name yet he became the first afroamerica and the first US President without English name all Nigeria President except Goodluck drop their English name yet they still lead. Many Edo people believed that bearing English name will make them great or look educated.
Do you know how many other tribes women Edo men have married and changed them to be part of Edo family? If you don’t know one I know many even Hausa woman married in my family today she speak Edo, she bear Edo name as Mrs. all her children bear Edo names likewise we also have Igbo, Yoruba, Auchi,Ekuale and more what can we say about that.
Let start to teach our children the language and it importance, always speak Edo with them, drop their English name and call them the Edo name, tell them story you know in Edo, sow our traditional cloth for them to wear, teach them the values of the origin and how royal they are to the society. Always answer their questions yourself than allowing them to go to strangers to answer their questions. Love them and friendly to them above all be an upright father or mother to them so that they will believe you and follow your footsteps.
Uwa hia ru ẹse
Join our free edo online class where you and your children will learn,speak,write,read and understand the correct Edo language not the pidgin most people are speaking today. Edo is sweet and easy to learn come for free we will give you free classes.
Ọba gha tọ kpẹ re.” – Osazday Felix
what are your opinions ….?
(Culled From Facebook)